..so this is the biggest problem ...on the one hand we think I really want Krishna, I really do, I really want spiritual life but on the other hand we can’t: on the other hand there is another part in us that wants something else. Sometimes when we are in the spiritual mode we don't want that part of our self, we say “I wish I didn't have that” but then we snap out of the spiritual mode and we again don't want spiritual life, so much. Somehow we are accepting and then we are giving up and we are accepting, giving up and sometimes take to spiritual life and sometimes take to material life. 
So we are caught in these changing states of consciousness. When we embrace spiritual life, as they say in English “the grass is greener on the other side” so when we are enjoying the material energy we want to give it up and we want to take to spiritual life and when we are practicing spiritual life then we start to think about the material energy. So we are going up and down in these two states. So this is a very intense state in spiritual life. That is the state where one has to hold on very close...very close to devotees. One should always be with devotees. Not for a moment go away from the devotees. “never go out alone,” as they used to say to us in the early days when we joined that “you can not go out alone” it was not allowed, it was against the codes of the temple ...nowadays noone really cares about that but in the old days, “oh no you can not be alone for a moment ..always associate with the devotee”
Well it is a fact that when one is in the stage of (Sanskrit)(up and down) it is dangerous not to associate with the devotee because one is so weak...maya is still so strong. Although we desire spiritual life we just don’t feel we have the strength for spiritual life. So the more we are with devotees who are betyond this state of (Sanskrit) who are no longer giving in into the senses, who are actually living a life free from sense gratification, a life free from sexual involvement , a life free from just satisfying the tongue this way and that way and who is only taking Krsna Prasadam and everything is pure.....then we get strength from this association. ….So one must be in that association.(HH KKS 2004)
