The family of vaishnavas is somehow or other our support. Prabhupada made this movement a very personal one. In the beginning, we overlook how important relationships are because we are not used to it. In the material world, when a relationship doesn’t work, you just cut it off and try another one.... then another one and another one.
Now I’m not talking just about friendships... so many friends came and went in our lives in the material world but spiritual relationships are very different. Spiritual friendships are different because devotees are very rare. Therefore devotees are precious and the relationship with the devotee is precious and once broken it is difficult to repair. Not like a broken pot that can be glued back together.
Therefore with devotees we can’t just afford the mentality that if it doesn’t work, get rid of this one and get another one! Because the day will come when we will need all the devotees. The day will come when we will very much depend on devotees because the vaishnavas are sustaining us in our spiritual life and without them it becomes so difficult. The day will come when all artificial behavior in our relationships will have to go because that cannot sustain us and time will test us. As they say: it all comes out in the wash! It means that sooner or later it has to get real.
In the beginning maybe one can have a Shakespearean performance of Krsna consciousness but at one point we need genuine relationships and genuine friendships. This is very important therefore we must be very careful to make sure we avoid unpleasant exchanges between devotees even for the sake of service. Sometimes it may be necessary that a devotee is not doing it proper and you have to straighten him out.We sometimes have to chastise but it’s an unfortunate thing to do because in the course of it we may break a relationship. That’s just one thought that comes to my mind: friendship between vaishnavas. Friendship is not just by declaration, not just Facebook friends or face-value friends, friendship means more.
In the Caitanya Candrodaya Nataka, in the pastime just after Lord Caitanya takes sannyasa, Nityananda sends a message to Advaita Archarya that all the devotees are in separation that very soon Nityananda will arrange that somehow the Lord will come to his (Advaita Archarya’s) house. Advaita Archarya starts dancing and calls out: Nityananda, Nityananada! What a friend, he has conquered me!
And he keeps repeating that: What a friend, he has conquered me!
So there is a very deep lesson in there – that friendship is based on conquering on the heart. Actually all relationships are based on conquering the heart. We see that in our tradition parakiya rasa is the highest. Not the marital relationship but the extra-marital relationship of lovers, the forbidden relationship. That is the relationship between Radha and Krsna – stolen moments! Not of out obligation but by conquering each time again and again. In parakiya rasa Radharani has to each time conquer the relationship with Krsna and sometimes the other way around also. So this is the nature of true relationships: not take anyone’s affection for granted for a moment.
In our relationship with Krsna, one can never take Krsna for granted. The devotee may think, “Now I have got him.”
At one stage, one may come to the point of nistha and surrender saying: Krsna, I am Yours.
One really means it but as one becomes more advanced to the stage of bhava or asakti, the one says: Krsna, You are mine.
Kadamba Kanana Swami
21 December 2010
