Kadamba Kanana SwamiSo when we get so close to the drop we feel the power of maya is pulling at us. So what do we do at that stage and one feels very weak?
Sometimes devotees at that stage in full knowledge of the philosophy of Krishna consciousness and being fully attracted, appreciating the beauty of the Deities and of Krishna are still finding themselves very close to maya and fall down.
So how to save ourselves at that time? This is my question I want to present here.
SOMETIMES WE FEEL CLOSE, SOMETIMES WE FEEL FARSometimes in your Krishna consciousness you feel very close to Krishna , very close and you really feel very inspired and you feel totally Krishna conscious and you just feel really deeply inspired and transcendental. And other times you feel that Krishna is so difficult to reach and suddenly we are so far from Krishna and sometimes it’s just not happening - and we are going through these peaks up and down again - and when we are so far from Krishna then maya is so close- maya is so near and Krishna is so far.
FEELING THE PRESSUREAlthough we are still Krishna conscious we go through these sequences of emotional experience – sometimes - the philosophy has not changed, we have the same philosophical understanding that we had gained, whatever that maybe have been. We have penetrated through the philosophy and we know everything but sometimes we feel very close to Krishna and other times the same understanding: we feel very far from Krishna and maya is very near. And you feel the pressure:
“Wooow, now what to do? Now will I be able to maintain and control the senses now that Krishna seems so far? And maya seems so near, now what do I do?”
“In this moment what do I do? I know everything about Krishna consciousness but now my determination to follow - it is so much less because Krishna feels to be so far away, maya so close, now what do I do?”
Yes these are critical moments that we are facing - all of us and these are moments where everyone feels close to falling down, the fall down is near and we know that:
“We are now on the edge and if I am not careful now I might just slip right over!”
THE INVISIBLE FORCEYou feel the power that pulls at you of a great depth. There is a pulling effect, everybody knows it …to stand high on a mountain… you can see in the Himalayas the local people who just stand on the edge of the big drop, the one kilometer drop! With their back to the edge they just stand there having a conversation with someone else. I get very nervous if I am a metre away from over the edge!
I feel like an invisible force which is just like pulling at me and I even start thinking:
"What if I would lose my balance?"
"What if I would trip now over a little rock?"
"What if I walk and there was a little rock and I would just lose my balance one metre away from the side?!"
I’m all tense and walking like “ Arhhh!”
FALLING OUT OF BED
I have had that experience that I climbed mountains in the Himalayas and at night we came high, we climbed a very high mountain, we had not reached the top, not by far…we came on a ledge and the ledge was about a metre high. Maybe, a little more one and half metres and well we sat there and it got dark.
So my friend he just laid there on his back and started to snore! ( Maharaja makes snoring noises) “ZZZZZZZ!”
Me on the contrary I noticed that the ground was not flat at all and that it was slopping downwards! And in my mind I was thinking: “What if I roll in my sleep, what if I rollover in my sleep and fall out of bed?!” I never fall out of bed ,right, I never fall out of bed but that night I was really thinking:
“What if I fall out of bed?!”
And I didn’t even sleep at all! I didn’t sleep at all! I sat up, I didn’t even lie down, I sat up leaning against the wall a bit, I might have dozed for a few minutes and I was wide awake again! I didn’t sleep and the next day we had to climb again! Very intense!
HOW TO SAVE OURSELVES?So when we get so close to the drop we feel the power of maya is pulling at us. So what do we do at that stage and one feels very weak?
Sometimes devotees at that stage in full knowledge of the philosophy of Krishna consciousness and being fully attracted, appreciating the beauty of the Deities and of Krishna are still finding themselves very close to maya and fall down.
So how to save ourselves at that time? This is my question I want to present here.
INTENSE EFFORT NEEDEDSo when we have come to this point it must be an impetus, an impetus to make an increased effort. That is actually the meaning of it the meaning of it is at that stage when we are feeling far from Krishna then we have to make a tremendous effort to somehow or other attract Krishna. That is the only thing that will save us! An intense effort is what will save us at that point!
So at that point rather than thinking and letting go and feeling weak and a little dizzy in the stomach:
“Here’s maya! Ahhhhh, what am I going to do now!”
No, instead of that we are meant to turn around and make an increased endevour to attract Krishna. Then Krishna will come near again. So we have to conquer Krishna!
KRISHNA CAN NEVER BE TAKEN FOR GRANTEDSo the separation is actually an impeteus to intensely try and regain the favour of Krishna. It is the favour of Krishna when Krishna is close to us. Krishna is never close to us like when the Gopis were in the rasa dance and for a moment contemplating:
“Oh, now Krishna is close to us, how nice”
Gone He was!
And Srimati Radharani was so close to Krishna, that He even took Her with Him. And they left together for the rasa dance and she started thinking :
“Oh how close am I, oh Krishna I can not walk anymore, can You carry me?”
“Yes”
whoooshh gone!
So she too had to pay that price. Pay that price of conquering Krishna. So Krishna can never ever be taken for granted!
BE SERIOUS BEFORE THE FALLDOWNWhen we come to that point of being far away from Krishna, then we have to turn around and make a special endeavour at that time to conquer Krishna again.
So this is one of the difficult things to learn in Krishna consciousness. And we may fall over the cliff a few times!
Fortunately just like in a cartoon when one falls off a cliff, one lands “eeeeeewwwww bang!” and sinks deep into the ground! Crawls back out, over the edge! So we get another chance, we get another chance – even if we fall off the cliff, we get another chance but it is difficult to crawl out of that hole. But we see in the cartoon, the guy is fired up again and runs back up the slope. It may not be as easy as that! It may be a long struggle to get back up and to go beyond and be serious. So before the fall down we should be serious, not after, before.
THE SIGNAL, HE WANTS MORE SURRENDERWe should again increase the quality of our chanting, that ‘s what it means: “The ten offences against the holy name - it is also offensive to be inattentive while chanting the holy name.”
To not be inattentive but to really chant to increase the quality, improve the quality.
As soon as we feel even a little bit of separation from Krishna:
“Oh, Krishna is not fully satisfied, Oh a little bit of separation: oh Krishna wants more now!"
“Krishna for whatever reason He wants more surrender ”
That is the signal
That is the note from Krishna: “Time for you to make more of an endeavour!”
GO BEYOND THE CHILDISH LEVEL“Try harder!”
“But I’m already trying so hard”
“Harder”
“But I can’t! “
So it takes time in Krishna consciousness to grow up and go beyond the childish level where we just (Maharaja impersonates a whiny child):
”I can’t…..mummy …I can’t… it’s so hard!”
You know, so anyway, so we have to grow up in spiritual life. So this takes practice. It takes some time to grow up. But once we grow up we have to learn the art of how we can once again come closer to Krishna and attract Krishna by taking very seriously to the process.
LET THE INTELLIGENCE BE IN CHARGESo when we are not so inspired then we have to read but you may say:
“When I’m not so inspired then I’m not so inspired to read”
I know, I know tell me all about it I have a mind, I have senses but then there is the intelligence and the intelligence just says:
“Shut up mind!”
The intelligence just puts on boots and stomps on the senses and say you know:
“Get lost you senses right – I am boss here and you do what I say, ok?!”
“Yes Sir, Mr intelligence, excuse me”
The senses bow down again and behave:
“We’ll keep it sweet , please don’t kick us like this!”
Then we will be able by intelligence, to apply ourselves:
IMPROVE THE QUALITY“I’m going to read the Bhagavatam”
Even if the first few pages do not inspire us. Even if the first day:
“ I did it - I tried it , it didn’t work, I tried it, I followed your advice , I tried it, it didn’t work, I read and I didn’t feel inspired at all, I still felt very far from Krishna”
And then you just stick at it.
“ I did, I did, I did I did for a whole week! Everyday for two hours Bhagavatam…didn’t feel a bit of inspiration! Yes I tried a whole week”
“For years I tried and for years I chanted my rounds and still feel very far from Krishna, totally separated - I think I am going to jump now off the cliff! Maya here I come!!!!”
No way, it has to be done with quality, not mechanical. Still not good enough to do it for years. No! Now improve the quality! Now, still the endeavour is not enough! You have not satisfied Krishna!
KRISHNA WANTS YOUR FULL ENERGYDon’t lament it doesn’t work, it does work – the process – but somehow or other if you don’t feel close to Krishna it means you have not attracted Him enough. You have not conquered Him by your service. That’s all it means. Try a little more. Try a little better. Put in a little more effort. Put in better quality, put in more energy…then it will come.
“It’s not easy to give it your full energy”
Yes I know, that’s what Krishna wants, full energy.
When full energy is given immediately there is inspiration and Krishna is very close.
THE REAL SECRET - CONQUER KRISHNAThis is the real secret of this separation in Krishna consciousness:
Always again and again we have to conquer Krishna! And we never ever think now I have Krishna. Never ever!
(Kadamba Kanana Swami 07/09/2003)
